Monthly Archives: January 2014

poem soem

The first poem I wrote!

I wrote them words in middle pages of my chemistry note book

I passed the notebook while the lousy class was running like a snail

I let him read the poem, my first poem

It tasted horrible I knew,

Like a bitter taste of bad coffee,

Rubbing permanent bitterness to your tongue

The words were like scrambled egg in a sticky pan

All messy and confused

The words made no sense,

they did not belong together in a sentence

nor they looked good together side by side

Bottom line- “ The poem was horrible!”

Yet, he read the poem, line by line

Didn’t try to escape a single word on his way to nonsense

He finished reading my poem

And then he “SSSSmiled”

He didn’t protest, he didn’t say it was bad

He just “SSSmiled”

From that day I stopped writing poems,

I would never write again nor let him read them again

Cause I knew I would love that guy

For life…

Cause  I knew he would never Say “My poem sucks!!!”


When you first said hello,

I didn’t hear your hello, instead

I ate your hello, I swallowed the word without breaking up the syllable, I engulfed the whole word. It should have reached my stomach to complete the normal process but instead it skipped the food pipe and reached my heart. On touching the muscles of my heart, it made my heart beat twice as much as it should have.

When you first rest your head on my shoulder,

I didn’t feel your touch, instead

I took a long breathe in, and collected all the air at that time. I memorized how you smelt, that right amount of faint hypnotizing scent of your cologne. Then I remembered the temperature of that warm sunrays falling on us. Ah! And that fruity scent of your shampoo, remember how you were nervous and were blushing when I mentioned it was a bit girly for a man.

When you smiled at me,

I didn’t see your lips, instead

My eyes were drawn to your eyes, those heavenly pair of eyes. You must think I am crazy when I say I felt the urge to kiss your eyes without you blinking and letting your eyelids get between. I wanted to freeze your smile, let your muscles hurt a bit longer just to hear that loud laughs your eyes were making; they were laughing so much I could clearly see tears already glistening in them.

don’t like stars anymore!

I don’t like the stars anymore! They look ridiculous in the sky, disturbing the pitch darkness of night sky. Ah and about the moon! I find it more disturbing, it changes its shape every night, darn the moon! Not knowing which shape it wants to be in (just like your heart I guess, changing constantly; in a pattern I can trace). You know how much I fancied the permanent white twinkly dots spread all over the black blanket like white pearls (I know pearls don’t shine as much as diamonds do but I like pearls, they are pure white all the time. Diamonds! They change colors; sometimes they are full of so many colors at once, it confuses me just like you do.)

I force myself to look at the stars (I cannot stare at them anymore, it makes me nauseous) just to try and find the peace I felt when I looked at them before. I see the stars, shining silly and less bright; same like my heart, weak and less red! Just as I get done with trying myself to love the stars again, I press my eyelids so as to get over that sight of silly night sky. Every time I see the moon I hear you say “Look at the moon. It’s beautiful.” How I wish I would forget that.

Shooting stars! I can relate them to you just perfectly. One moment I can see you (or think I saw you) and the other moment you are gone in a blink of an eye. One more, wishing on shooting stars and wishing on you is same! Both never comes true.

I am being unreasonable I know, tainting everything and every place with your memory and then cursing them now. I am sorry but I promise you that I will find the moon and the stars beautiful someday again. Someday! I will be able to whisper and smile softly at them just like I used to.

k bhanney aba?

I so remember me turning all red when I accidentally met my aunt and cousins at New Road gate when I was with my boyfriend (it was when I was studying in grade 12). I still can imagine how I felt at that moment, like I was caught in a crime. I was so so nervous to answer when my aunt asked whom I was with. I was like “Ah, sathi sanga.” I was burning like wildfire, her wicked teasing smile and gleamy eyes made it worse. Lucky I was that she was sweet enough to not report that event to my parents though she did question me a great deal about him and his whereabouts then. I asked her not to tell that to my mom (I am sure though she promised she wouldn’t she did tell my mom, though mom never questioned me anything).Well, this is the scenario four five years back!

It was mush worse when I was in school. My school days were deprived of mobile facility, there was only landlines (tyo pani with mom dad ko supervision ma). All my kta sathi haru were afraid to call me at home cause dad was like “HELLO???” (In his meanest tone) and then when my friends gutsily asked “Nija cha?”, he be like “Ko boleko ? Chaina Nija!!!” If he were to find me hanging in phone for more than two minutes he would question “phone ma bhaneko chainey kura matra garna lai ho… k nachahiney guff gardai bascha”. “kati ghanta bho school bata farkeko? Eti chadai kura garney kaam parcha?” blah blah blah… (haha…samjhera ni hasuthcha ahile)

To be talking about the present stage of my life; my same aunt be like “jo bhaye ni ramro kta khojera boyfriend bana. Ali huney khaney khalko, gyani kta, intercaste bhaye ni kei chaina ailey ko jamana ma chalcha.” Just to get into her nerves I answer “koi chaina, khojdinu na ek jana kta… dui tin barsa ko lagi boyfriend ek jana khojdinu, man paryo bhaney chai pachi tei sanga bihey garamla.” Or if I really am in mood to eat her brain out, I answer “ma ta bihey nai nagarney bhaneko. kasto cha bichar? Euta flat kinney pachi, ani timi haru pani auu kailey kai ani party garnu parcha” Then she looks scarily (not really).

Even today, I asked my mama “mama malai gaadi chalauna sikaidinu na” and he goes “kina siknu paryo, gaadi bhako kta sanga love gar”… then he sees a sajha bus and he be like “sajha bus ko driver bihey gaar” (ah! I want to mention a deal we have with our mama, he has promised us to gift a house to whoever marries a guy from another caste and ghar ma mom dad le bhitrayena bhaney.). My mama was so mean from the beginning, as a kid I loved panipuri ani jailey ni Mangal Bazaar gayera pani puri khanthye and he used to say “yelai tei pani puri ko madhisey sanga bihey garidinu parcha… timi haru pani puri khana jau, paisa ni tirnu pardaina, timiharu ko jwai ta ho ni”

Well, I am sharing my personal events with you guys just to tell you how time and everyrthing changes as you grow. Pahila kta sathi haru sanga hidna pani dar hunthyo, had to be real careful about people seeing us together and dar of koi manchey le kura katla bhanney ani that resulting to mom ko etro lamo lecture on behaving like a proper lady. And look now! They are sad that I don’t have a boyfriend. Oh how they wish I was in a relation with a good guy proper to be their jwai!!!

I am surprised how the way my family treats(talks) me now and then contrasts so much.


I bet you know “that” feeling when you enter the wrong exam hall; you walk through all those benches to search your seat, your eyes fixed on those 3 / 4 digits of roll numbers with your mind set on your own roll number. You start worrying and get restless not to find your place. (You must be wondering where I am going to with these entire exam rooms n roll numbers. Well, I will tell you about it shortly.) Alright! Without further ado I will get to the point. This morning while I was playing with Shel , suddenly a thought crossed my mind. All these times i have had so many heartbreaks and complicated relationships, I did the same mistakes again n again never amending my ways (You know that story of spider right? Bachha bela padhya thyou ni, the spider who tries again and again to climb the wall even though he falls numerous times. Well, I took that lesson a bit too seriously hola, that’s why I never give up hope of finding my happy ending whether that guy be my mr.right or mr.left :P).

I reached to a conclusion on what I have been doing wrong; all I did was search my seat at the wrong exam hall and blamed myself for not finding my seat! Need I explain more??? 😛 Its like i have been searching Rapunzel in Cinderella ko story… Amir Khan in Dabang… all in all, the moral of the story is i have been searching my place in a wrong story where the cast has already been decided and there is no extra character, not even a guest appearance! Can you believe that?

katha mero

My side of the story… I am well aware about the fact that there are always two sides(or may be more) of the story, I ve been told about this a million and gazillion times (the words don’t happen to pierce my thick ear :P). Call me stubborn or crazy, I always liked and believed in my side of story. Well, that’s what I am going to say… “my side of the story”, cause that is only what I know and you can believe is true as I narrate you the lines.

(I so want to start the story with “Once upon a time…” it has always been my dream to start my story with that plain classic line. I hope you bear my madness in which I find wee happiness hidden behind those plenty folds of my crazy country. And I am about to begin my story with once upon a time… I would like to end it in same manner, just to stick with the format 😛 )

Once upon a time there lived a fair maiden in a far away land. She had this pure heart dipped in all hues of love- RED, when she blushed; CRIMSON when she was in love; MAROON when she missed her love. She was the happiest soul though she had her heart patched into places to hide the hideous scars from the previous heart breaks. All day she spent singing songs of joy and dancing to its tunes, swinging her long lush raven black braids in the air. She was loud and she was clear; she talked to every stranger that she passed and spilled her stories; she didn’t notice she met the stranger twice and yet again recited the same story with same wideness in her smile, just the right amount of blush in her cheeks! She just loved saying stories.

Not far from where the girl lived, there was a kingdom separated by a river so wide, there was bridge built with the tallest tree of the forest by the ogres. In that kingdom, there was a busy marketplace which was never left alone; people from all land visited there. Right in the centre of the market place, there was a merchant. How was he? He was a man with polished heart, glittering in the midday bright sun. His heart was so bright no one knew the color of his heart, or what he held in it. Despite of this, everyone loved him; he was a kind and good man. Baggage of pain and secrets he held in that tiny heart of his, never did he let anyone move the curtains of smile from his face. His huge loud laughter tickled the ear drums making everyone laugh along with him.

Neither of these two souls were aware about one another. Days passed by and nights fell asleep, one after another… it was just that one touch of the cupid that both would see each other. The whole universe were waiting silently to hear that first words they said to each other. Not so long, one day when the girl was on her way to marketplace, crossing the bridge, the sound of horse galloping drew her attention. She just waited until that……….haha thank you for reading this incomplete story.I am so sorry.Dont hate me! 😛

the song

I won’t give up on us !!! that’s what I have been screaming like a crazy old woman with that torn up straw hat. I have been listening to that song of Jason Mraz like there is no other song ever recorded.I repeat it words after words so as to make my heart and mind memorize it… May be its only because I want myself to believe in what no one else believes to be true, not even you. Sometimes even I lose my tightly held hope, the words sometimes slip and I fail to say them properly ;so I guess I can’t possibly blame anyone or you for not believing in what I treasure the most when even I doubt myself now and then.

Kupondole ko bato

It may sound silly but I love the route from Ratnapark to Kumaripati, the best part would start after the gaadi crosses thapathali ko bridge. As soon as Kupondole, the avenue of boutique begins my head along with my eye gets all alert. Just like a kid in a candy store gets all dazzled by the bright color candies and chocolate bars, I get all excited to see those displays in the boutiques. The slim figured mannequins look drop dead gorgeous in those amazing designs- heavily embroidered sarees with lots of detailed work, plain sarees with graphical prints, beautiful kurthas with floor sweeping length and the stones that shine bright like diamonds are just too hard not to notice.

That three minutes drive in that street makes my head turn left to right and again back to left as I scan all those sarees and kurthas in both side(I try not to skip any of the stores). My friend used to drive real slow when we reached Kupondole so that I could get enough time to admire those designs.(that was a plain but a really sweet gesture :P). My head that acts like a bubble head gets all alert when the gadi reaches Kupondole height, many of you must have understood why.Yes! there comes the magnificient boutique of all times, the Odhani. Girl! They have the most precious pieces of clothes stitched together with all those blings and dazzles delivering a real piece of beauty.(Sometimes even color of those dresses make me drool and envy the dummy wearing it :P) I am sorry but I am not favouring the single store. Since last few months, other stores have popped up in the boutique hub with stunning designs but none does lure as much as this particular store.

Usually, every one turns their head to get a glimpse of the store unconsciously.I want to share an incident that really surprised me.Few days back I along with my few new friends were getting back home through the same route.And just as we passed Odhani, one of my friend says”Woooowwwwww…. Kasto ramro…” and I smile assuring myself every one admires those dummies. I was looking at new designs on display when she completes her sentence with “tyo store ma kasto ramro jhumaar… awhhhhhhhh”. I was like “What???” I have been spying at the store since the day it was there but never did I notice that crystal light balls and there she was ignoring what she was supposed to see and surprise me. I was like “Girl, are you for real?”.

Ah! and there is one other thing that always come across my mind when I pass through that road; I wonder where would people park their vehicles if one had to go to one of the boutiques. And there are other things to see except those boutiques; the colorful graffiti arts covering whole wall is one thing I never fail to miss along with the handicraft stores; Dhukuti,Mahaguthi and others.I love the occasional festive displays Dhukuti put up just like the white Christmas on one side and blue Christmas on the other that they had for this Christmas.

Whenever I look at all these shops with only clear glasses covering itself caging those lifeless models flaunting the best dresses of the store, my heart flutters a bit and my eyes get all greedy!!!



Dear you,

It would be unfair to my heart to trap you in the chambers and lock you inside. I remember you saying you would eat me from inside if I lock you there. That scares me, the thought that you would hurt me and kill me starting with my heart. I was naïve to think you and your voice would light up the darkness and make my heart warm even after you will disappear from my sight. I am ready for the goodbyes, trust me I really am but I am still not ready to let you go. I am still feeble, still crazy and still lost in the idea of loving you endlessly, infinity times infinity.

You just LikE me a lot and I LovE you a lot. Even though those four lettered words begin with same letter “L” and end with same letter “E”, it doesn’t mean the same, the tiny alphabets in between just twist the total meaning of those words. Darn the letters! Being the nasty villains.  Well, they don’t change my way and you know more than anyone else. I just love the idea of loving you. I don’t need sweet perfumed love letters every day, or those big heart shaped brown chocolates and bunch of blue flowers on every Valentine’s Day. All I want is to think about you now and then, once in a while and not feel anxious about not getting another call from you ever again. I will definitely miss arguing with you, hearing what you have to say and pretend not to agree with you even when you are right. I will miss you annoy me and burn me with jealousy…I will miss everything!

I want to cry my heart out (like really loud and flow buckets of tears), the heart gives me unbearable pain sometimes and it makes me want to break down. Just then I close my eyes, see the bright blackness, remember you tease me saying I was too weak and a crybaby; then I smile and the eyelids hold the tears that gravity tries hard to drop down my face.(Man! you don’t even let me be sad and heartbroken in peace. You are really mean.)

You made me feel better, live for myself and love myself. Now that I think, you prepared me to be better for the love I have been waiting for (darn, he will be one hell of a lucky guy…boy, how I wish you were that lucky). If only I were to run this world, this place would be one heck of a fairy land! I would have cupid instead of presidents, hitting everyone with arrow of love (Shooooooooshhhhhh… you fall in love and live happily ever after :P). Well, too bad this won’t happen or else I wouldn’t have to write this  and you wouldn’t have to read this.

P.S. You were my warmest hello!!!

Her new brown boot!!!

Well, this is the summary of my “today”. My friend (she asked me not to disclose her name) asked me to go along with her and help her shop. She wanted to buy a winter jacket and a boot; let me tell you she had no whatsoever idea on what she really wanted to buy, all she said was she would know when she would see, thereby not giving me any clue what to look for.Then we started our shopping scavenger; lucky we (I) were that the jacket was picked soon after we scanned few shops.

My choosy friend finally falls for a brown boot, and then she asks for the price, the price was too high than the boot would have cost. After a few seconds of bargain, the salesgirl marked her price but mybargainqueenfriend was not so willing to pay the amount. Then we left the store and tried few other shop, well wait! We not just tried few other shops but we tried few other malls.(Thank god there are only three of them in Kathmandu).All she did was talk about that brown boot all the way back and forth the malls, we hopped malls to malls and shops to shops. One shopkeeper almost hit my face with shoe while he was trying to sell it.

She was like “tyo chucchi kt lai teti ma diye k janthyo tesko”, she was practically whining like a kid, nagging me all the way. She would ask if it was ok to go back to the same shop and get the boot, then again she would answer herself “NO! That would hurt my ego. I must not go. Ah! Why don’t you go there and buy it for me.” She kept on giving reasons why she should not go back and why she should get that particular shoe. She says “Paila paila mom used to say ek taal pasal ma saman chodera aye pachi kahilei ni farkera nahernu… tara aja ayera esto bho” Finally, after continuous monologues she decided to get back to the same store. We were just about to reach the store when she goes “Damn, I feel like I am gonna give my exams. Should I really go?” Just a few seconds before we were walking together, and just as we were about to step the threshold of the store she walks in a curve,away from the store; I find myself in the store alone. I ask the salesgirl for the boot we previously looked “Dd agi herreko jutta …” (the moment I said that incomplete sentence, I could feel the whole lot of hot blood rush in my face and I felt like I said something that was forbidden). My friend gets back in the store and starts giggling making me hot of shame. I couldn’t even look at the salesgirl; we payed her amount and hurried out of the store.

I really don’t understand why we were so ashamed to get back and get the shoe when we were paying for it and not getting it for free. Whole time I teased my friend that she had now become egoless and that she sold her ego for the boot. I hope the brown boot is worth all the trouble and shame we shared together.