Monthly Archives: April 2014

I saw his ghost!

I saw his ghost in the daylight walking in the busy street jammed with people blocking each others’ way. His body covered in a black cloak, I could focus my eyes on his bright face; I kept on staring at him as long he remained visible to my eyes (even few seconds seemed forever to my heart). I saw his ghost ; but the ghost had sensed my presence before I did! His ghost swiftly turned around the corner and disappeared just like a bubble in the air.

The ghost of him was exactly ten steps away from me but I didn’t move fast to cross that nine steps to reach him. I just smiled as even his ghost decided that he was heading wrong direction and just turned around quietly without letting anyone know. My heart remained calm, didn’t throb seeing the ghost…my mind remained rational, didn’t make me do anything crazy (like running to catch the ghost or shout out his name so that everyone would hear except him).

I saw his ghost, just saw his ghost and only saw! After he decided to disappear out of my sight I kept on walking like I never saw his ghost. I turned my back to the place where the ghost melted into thick concrete walls; I didn’t turn my head to look back , I just walked carrying a faint smile in my heart knowing his ghost didn’t scare me anymore!

Chasing Memories

It was me who had been chasing your memories. I had forced my heart to just drown in those memories, I still do that. All those times I lived in those memories making myself believe in my side of the story and feeding myself with all them beautiful dreams. But the dream you made me see shook the castle I built with all those fragile blocks of dear hopes. I saw you in my dreams today after so long… I came running to see you (just like in the movies) then just as my feet became certain that it was you who was standing there by the corner, they suddenly paused… refused to take another step. As if they knew what was right for me, they decided not to help me turn the corner of the long alley I had run to see you (my feet became my best friend… warning me not to go). My head beat the stubbornness of my feet, it just managed to tilt just to look over the wall and then see your face! My heart skipped three beats!…every part of my body froze except the eyes… they memorized your face in a second! After a second my feet got furious and just stormed out of the alley… they were so angry, they kept on running till I ran out of breath. You were just a meter away from me but I couldn’t (didn’t) call, couldn’t (didn’t) touch… only thing I did was ran away from you;how did I run away and not stare at you forever!

we say

“I am a lost soul” – I say

“I will hold your hand” – you say

“I am all heart broken” – I say

“I will let you heal” – you say

“I need time” – I say

“I will just wait here” – you say

“I am really confused” – I say

“I will help you find clues” – you say

“I am hopeless” – I say

“I will love you” – you say

“I am so amazingly insane” – I say

“I will love you more” – you say

“I am scared” – I say

“I am not him” – you say!


The wrong feelings that always seem right and the right ones that always (always) seem wrong. It is because of this concluding statement in which my life is based on that my life is one hell of a mess right now. It is so freaking messy (messier than a kid trying to eat a plate full of red saucy spaghetti- strands of noodle hanging from the rim of the plate and all around the plate… red tomato gravy making stubborn stains all over the clean white table cloth). After explaining this I pretty much explained all I am right now and how I feel.

I was watching this movie and the girl says – “Life is a mess and that is what’s beautiful about it.” This particular line just grabs my wandering attention (I cant even concentrate while watching a movie these days) and i replay the line again and listen again so that i can memorize the line.I feel “connected” and then feel “WOW” , its OK to have a messy life! Now that i am quoting a stupid line (that often feels enlightening to me somehow) from some actor in a movie i feel pathetic. Yes! I feel how sad my life is. Every now and then people around me quotes famous important people such as Gandhi, Steve Jobs, Martin  Luther King (Oh wait, even i quote Martin; if using the line “I have a dream.” counts). Sometimes, no actually every time they quote those lines I wonder how they manage to memorize word by words and also remember the quotes just to match the context at the right time. (At the back of my head I then tell myself I will as well read few quotes).

See, this is what i was talking about. I was telling you how messy my life is then i get tangled with the quotes and important people. The spaghetti noodles must be less tangled than I am.Those creamy white strands must be easy to untangle but my messy life is so beautifully tangled that i don’t know from where do i begin to solve it. The noodley mess is easy and tasty to clean- you take a big pointy fork, shove it into the plate, twist it and then eat it! your plate is clean. But the messy life i created is so not disappearing with an ordinary metal fork; I will be needing a magical fork!!!pasta-on-fork-001