Monthly Archives: July 2014

My White pair of SHOES!

Plain white Tees! (Ok you must be wondering why the title says White pair of shoes and then why I start blabbering about Tshirts). I have always fancied wearing (not just having them in my closet)White Tshirts or any other white tops. I see a pretty white t-shirt on display at the window of the stores and then I get all these bubbles popping out of my head imagining the tshirt with my blue jeans folded twice, big black bag, black converse (dyamn the shoe! )…I make my grand entrance inside the store…I try and then I look into the mirror and guess what I see- An Wugly person; just as I see my self in that “White Tshirt–that-i-will-never-take-home” all the bubbles go “pOp-PoP-POP!!!”.Those freaking white things never suite my pretty dark complexion wala face! Dyamn it!!!Then I get out the store like with a frowny face. After some point I was so disappointed with them that I would always skip the colour white for my options while shopping.I would be like “Dd aru color chaina?”(well, I would say this even though the thing is unwhite  :P).

Now,let me get to the point. Couple of months back I went for a movie in some mall and on the verge of passing time…me and my friends switched on to windowshopping mode. So, we came across a shoe store with a big “SALE” star banner. We just went inside and started scanning the shoes…Vans,Converse, Everlast and blah blah…The “SALE”sign was just a trap!!! Dyamn the man…there was 20-25 percent discounts…tyo pani on selected ones…I saw a white not so flattering white Everlast ballerina shoes with lace tied into tiny cute little bows on the side. The price was not that high but the only problem being it “WHITE”. I didn’t forget to ask “Dai, aru color ma chaina?” I had my doubts that the white shoe would get dirty and blah blah…after too many to and fros of “I will buy it” and “I will not buy it”, the decision got stuck on “I will buy it”. So, I bought the shoe though I was not sure of owning a white thing.(You must be trying to understand or guess the end of the story i.e the moral of the story 😛 few more lines and you will be able to get back to your important jobs (if you have any) )

I have been walking in that “White shoe” for almost a year now and trust me I loveeeeeeeee that shoe. Not just me but even my feet loveeeeeeee them. They are comfortable and looks lovely with my blue pair of jeans.(Teeshirt nahi to jutey hi sahi :P) . So, what I am trying to say is if I had let my complexities of “malai white suhaudaina” I would never have the chance to know how good that shoe feels and how pretty it looks.

All my life I have let my complexities be the excuses of not trying so many things and now I am sure I won’t miss out on them. (I had to buy a White Shoe to make me realize this!  )


“Dd,tyo kt cha ni aghi dhara ma basirako…uhi ho asti poilo gako.” –she casually said this to me on the way back to home.I was interested to hear more of this (after all i am a girl and i fancy gossips :P). “Yo pali SLC deko.” –she continues. Then i am like “Whhhattt?” . I dint pay much attention to her in the dhara then and now that i knew she was just a kid i tried hard to remember her.

“Kaha jana lako?”- I asked a group of girls hurrying uphill when i was dipping my legs in the cold water of khola, sitting on the warm rocks. “Uta mathi ko gaun ma jana lako…tapai ni auney ho miss? Asti bhakar poilo gako kt herna janey.” I was comfortable with my sitting and too lazy to walk uphill though i somuch wanted to see the girl.(Again i am girl and i love a scene). Also the girl who had eloped was a kid who didn’t even care to wait for her SLC results.

“Dd, wu nai ho asti poilo gako…ani tyo chai usko budho, budho chaine kasto budho dekhincha hai.”-she commented gesturing at two people walking towards us.I carefully examined the girl and her husband. She was wearing a red saree, green tilhari around her neck and wearing a heel which seemed uncomfortable to walk in that unpaved bumpy road.She was all cheerful and shy at the same time returning to her village after eloping few weeks back. I wanted to ask her “Why did you marry so early?”

Its almost three months that i have started living in village and i’ve seen so many issues much more vague than education inequity. Failing in SLC seems less of a problem when you see kids elope or get married after giving their SLC exams (or even before that). It makes me stand in my class and look at their faces and question “Will you also give up studying and jsut run away?”. I dont know why but i feel they wont just quit…I know they are so much better than just getting married.

I want my students to study! I dont want them to run away from their home and more far from their better future!!!


When should I have stopped loving you?

This is the question I still ask myself

When should I have stopped loving you ?

Sometimes the tense confuses me

Should I be using past tense or present?

Would I be telling the truth

When I say “have stopped” and not just plain “stop”




Cheeni Bananas :)

“Gaun bata pure pure “chij” (not cheese) haru lyaidey” –that was what my fufu filled up my ear with two and half months ago when I first went to Melamchi to teach. “daal, gheu, bhatmas, maha…j j paincha ghar farkida liyera aijo” that was what she said but to her utter disappointment all that I brought back from village was “BananaS”. Well not just bananas but kilos and kilos of many bananas. I come back Ktm with kilos of bananas (they are so so good…it tickles your sweet tastebuds and makes it happy )…ah! they are not just bananas but the cheeni bananas (kati cute name they got :P)…It is pain in the air to carry those sweeties and travel back; it is thrice the trouble when you don’t get a seat to rest your air all the way but I just can’t help myself to carry them with me. No matter how much weight those cheeni bananas add up to my bag, I got the obsessive disorder to just snuggle them in my bag every chance I get back. The one you get in Ktm are no match to the chinis; if your favourite fruit is banana ,you got to try these chini bananas.Trust me! You will just looooooooove the cheenis.

it gets real!

I was surrounded by gigantic hills, it felt like I was living inside an enormous crown (like in Alice in the wonderland but only this crown was made of green hills and not gold and rubies)…same hills that I have been staring since I was a little kid but the only difference was… the colour of the hills; taadha (dherai taada )bata herda it looks like somebody roughly painted it in muddy shade of blue but now that I actually(well not actually :P) can count the trees in those hills, the hills look clean green like a farmer planted all those trees taking his own sweet time and care. To tell you the truth it took me quite sometime to really see that those hills were clean green and not overwhelming green. Two months ago if you had said “GO GREEN” right in my face I would have seriously punched you in your face; now you might get the idea of how much did I repel the color green. But now I miss that shade of green when I am back in ktm for holidays, that surprises me big time.

I joined the movement of Teach For Nepal cause I believed in every word it had printed in that small square white pamphlet explaining what TFN was all about. I felt like “Yes! I was born to be a part of this” (this feeling !!! I tell you is so easy to feel but pretty doubtful when you actually live it). I was excited to be a fellow at Teach For Nepal. Six weeks of training at TFN house! I wouldn’t know how to explain or even express what it was. It was a home for me- a place and people I adored.

Two years as a teacher in government school in a VILLAGE was what I had signed up for but the first thing I did when I reached village was that I complained the place was a village- “yo ta gaun jasto cha” was what came out of my mouth. The still silence of the place gagged me and literally I felt like I was drowning in the air.I wondered how people lived all their life here and not want to get away…I had so many questions and complains about the village. I had this wish of seeing a village once in my life but now that I was actually living in one, I remembered “careful what you wish for.” I waited for things to get better , cause I was told things would be better after 2/3 months and I was waiting for those months to pass by .

I stayed for a week and rushed back ktm to breathe the dusted air cause I missed the grey air of ktm. The hustle and bustle of the busy streets were like beethoveen’s symphony to me. Then I went back to village again collecting all the supplies I needed. Now that I knew I could go back ktm anytime I started to feel at ease and then started to adapt my new life there. Soon, I felt the chisoo and mitho hawaa of the village. I started to smile and talking to people at school. My students made me smile, made me proud, made me angry, made me sad but most important they made me see hope. I still am not used to hear the word “miss” after my name. When they call me “Nija miss” i am like “ah, that sounds awful” (I don’t say it out loud I just say it in my head)…but I like how they call out “eh miss!”.

I teach grade 7 to 10 and it is great but I love the lower grade kids so much more :P. Now and then when I get off periods I sneak into their classrooms when I see no teachers there. Few days back one of the fifth grader calls me “Addhi miss” and I ask him why do you call me that. “Tapai adha period padhaunu huncha tyo pani adha student lai matra, tei bhayera tapai adha miss”. I walk away from him and then smile to myself happily. I have leisure time during last hours in school so I spend time with the kids left in class…as most of them go home early when there is no teacher for last periods. These kids amaze me by singing songs I’ ve never heard and telling poems that would blow you off by surprise.Ah, i got another name as well “thuti miss” just because i have short hair”.

I begin my day with a great class and then I enter another class and have the worst class ever. Some days a kid would make you smile and the other day the same kid would disappoint you so much it hurts your heart so much you struggle to draw in the tears.I stand in front of the class and be their teacher, they look at me with those amazing innocent but mischievous eyes that don’t judge me but believe in me, in every word that i speak.Every now and then the most talkative kid shouts out “Halla nagar bhaneko…miss risayera bahira januhuncha ailey” just to remind himself to be quite in class. I think I know these young souls but there is so much i need to explore…they are just leaving me tiny faint hints for me to reveal their heart.

My achievement till now- they look into my eyes and then they smile…