Tag Archives: heart

Perfect imperfect

How imperfect I was and how trying to be perfect did me no good.

I still remember the pictures that I drew as I was growing up. They were nothing but imperfect. They had smudges of paints, some amended but most of them not. I didn’t care about it but only thing that mattered was that I was happy in my heart. I would run to my dad and  would show him the drawings that I had made. He always smiled that smile. He would hold it in his hand and put it far away and examine; never did he complain. “Baa:lah baa:lah” – he said.

I had picked charcoal sticks for my still life when I was may be 13 or 14, I don’t think I was good with even pencils. I knew the proportions of the shape of my subjects were right (they were blown out of proportions I guess). It didn’t make sense nor I cared where the light source was and where it fell on the object. I went with my instinct of where should I erase the blackness so as to give more realistic touch to the still life. I still remember me making still life arts like I was some awesome artist. I still remember few; there was one time where I went to roof of my aunt’s house and drew the temple standing in the courtyard, I still remember the moment when I was adding the brick tiles on the roof of the temple.Just seeing black smudges on my fingers and palms would make me feel so artisty.

I made what made me happy. I wrote about little things that mattered to me, drew things that mattered, painted colors my brushes picked. Now that I think of, I am quite not sure what made people happy- Was it my paintings and drawings that made people happy or my excitement?

So if you are wondering where all this jibberness is coming from. I just watched a TED talk and it just changed my whole life I guess(Revolution in my life you can say). It was about how the fact that we want to be perfect hinders what we want to do. For me, I like to write and paint. I used to write but I stopped it. I thought I got the writer’s block (myan, this sounds fancy I know but I wanted to use it for so long). I always hesitate to paint. I feel like I need to give people awesome piece to read or an amazing beautiful picture to see. I forget always to remember about me. The joy I feel deep in my heart like a serene calm sea with little waves slapping the shore. (Not making up but I really feel butterflies in my heart when I am painting or writing, actually I am having them right now as well while I write, with my heart beating to the groovy beats I am listening to.)

My friends and people I know through only face book enjoys what I paint and write (not boasting). They don’t judge me but its sad that I am the greatest judge of me. I don’t write often and I don’t paint much. I say “small things are big things” but did I really have faith in it? NO!!!

Guess What? I am gonna write more now and paint more. More, I am firing the judge in me. So… I hope I will write more and paint moreeeee and have all the fun my heart deserves.


just the beginning

Chapter One
The beginning

“You HAVEeee to come.Please please pleaaseeeeee…pretty please!!! I am already there. I will wait for you.” That was not her request but command. They were not close friends yet; It was after just few meetings along with everyone but she felt comfortable enough to order him to meet.

“Huss. I will be there in a while.” –he replied gently.

She smiled as she smoothly slided her cellphone inside the front pocket of her blue jeans. She didn’t know why but she called him. They had never met alone like that, they were always with two of their other friends. She didn’t even for the slightest moment thought this meeting would be awkward or wait! May be she thought it would be awkward but she so desperately wanted to be at the festival.

Yes! The festival. It was not her first day though. That would be her (their) fifth day being in the same festival, with same people, same food, same everything. She just had to be there for some weird reasons of her only she knew (or even she didn’t know). Ofcourse the festival wouldnot have been affected with or without her presence but it was as if she had taken serious oath to grace her presence every single day.

She bought a box of juice and made herself comfortable on the sidewalk of the street in front of the shop. She didn’t even bother to clean the dirt before sitting there. Suman said he would be there in fifteen minutes. She was not bothered to wait there alone. She watched every stranger that her eyes could follow.She was making sips out of the juice box as if that was the last box on earth… small sips.

A familiar face emerged out amongst the many strange faces. He had that saintly smile on his wide lips that had contaminated his eyes as well. She kept on starring at him until she was startled by his “Hi!.” She must have been thinking why was his “Hi” dipped in sugary syrupy sweet smile. Not to look impolite, she replied “Heellooooo.”
“Did you go Tyagal? They got amazingggggggg live exhibits.” She exclaimed to break the silence. That was a stupid question to ask cause she knew he had not been there as they had been hanging out with same gang since the first day. If she had not been there, simply he also had not.

“That would be great. Lets go.” He was agreeing to everything she would say. He would smile with every reply.
She was like “myannn… you smile a lot. Do you ever like ever get angry??? Don’t you get bothered by people? AT ALLL??? Well… I am so so so short tempered.I don’t know why but I so so so get irritated at little things… but I guess its alrite cause I get calm soon… Ah, don’t you get bored with your work??? You spend so much time with your laptop. Are your eyes fine?Myan, you will soon be needing glasses… Haha…look at that statue…it looks so real.Look at its moustache… Today at work we had this meeting and there was wine for everyone.Myannn it was so good…I just had two glasses… Isnt it weird to have wine party after meeting? And ya! That too during day…my workplace is superweird!!!…Awwhhh look at those pretty lights… someday I ll have same kind of lights covering the sky of my backyard…it would look pretty hai?” Her conversations were jumping from one topic to another more than a crazy frog…as if every words had springs stuck on their feet.

And what he did? Smile! Yes, more smiles. She didn’t give him space to answer her questions neither did she held her breathe to look on her side to see him smiling at her. She just kept on going on and on and some more on. The smile on his lips was slowly sipping inside his throat down to his chest and clutch his heart. Yes! His HEART!!!


My heart is a total mess! It wanders around recklessly, not wanting to be tamed. It drinks and drives around city owned by heartless hearts, bumps into one mischievous bad black heart. You know the rest… it falls 5.5 feet under the ground. Why 5.5 feet you ask? If you must know, better would be if it fell half more feet down; my heart would rest in peace then. But No! it dint, it got stuck at 5.5, suffocating, wanting to breathe love-filled-air and live!