I need to write. It’s essential that I write today; right now. It has been ages since I last wrote. I have so much to tell; so much. So much my eyes have seen, my ears have heard and my mind has thought of. I should have written when my two years of fellowship had ended, how the pipe in my throat got that weird feeling every time I realized those were my last days in the village. The wonderful didis of village made amazing food for me, I had last supper with each of them for a month. Khir, masu bhat, khir, masu bhat, machha, khir, khir, sinki, dhido, achhar and… ah ya! Pidaloos, koiral ko achar, chamrey, lukmau. Didi haru le garnu bhayeko maya must be the reason I didn’t want to come back to Kathmandu even on the holidays. The last day I hopped houses to say goodbye; I could see sadness in their eyes and knew they would cry right then and guess what I did? “Ah, runa lagnu bhako? narunu hou narunu” and then they would smile. (I remember them every day but don’t know why I can’t call them and say hi).

That last night, I walked the bato I used to walk everyday on the way to school. It was a dark night but I could see everything around me like it was in daylight. My heart was restless, my eyes were blurry, my soul was dancing, my lips were smiling, my mind crying. If I could, I would pick every footsteps that I walked in that bato for two years and store it in a glass jar. Maybe they could remind me of my thoughts when I took that step. May be the bato has collected the prints of my footstep and stored it deep in the heart of earth, maybe it will give me my memories back when I walk on them again. Ah! Let me tell you about the farewell we had in school. Rohini dai (SMC president) proudly said “uha haru Giranchaur ma najanmiye pani hami le bhanda badi giranchaur lai maya garnu huncha. Uha haru giranchaur kai santan hunn.” Out of everyone I knew head-sir was the saddest to send us away. The love he has bestowed on us, is unmeasurable. He is the cutest. (and I really mean it) ah! And you should see our “prasansa patra” it’s amazing. My face has literal golden glow. I was so excited to get dosalla (how cool is that?)

Well, I am switching to something else now. Just to go with the flow let me write about my after fellowship plan. So, you know how I started painting the walls of my school and I got so addicted to it that I couldn’t stop it. I thought why not do it in some more schools. I’ll tell you my dream – I want to see beautiful colors in every school. I want the little kids to reflect those pretty colors in their heart and smile. I want to create a colorful world for every student. I am so addicted to this dream of mine that all my senses are so alert when I see any object; my eyes and my mind get started with observing and scanning the hues and shades. I google and pinterest like a crazy woman, saving every image that fascinates me. Fingers crossed! Wish me luck.

Mmm. So, what do I write now? I am working on a painting right now and trust me this must be the first thing I have put so much effort into. I am so eager to post it but waiting for it to get completed. It is nice but looks kinda weird to me. (you figure out yourself what has gone wrong, I am not telling you). And I am into water color these days. Guess what I am realizing? Youtube and Google are my gurus these days.

I am sorry I am being a frog, jumping from here to there and back again here. I feel so bad I don’t write anymore. I used to write about everything and everyone but I don’t anymore. I am confused – is it I can’t or I don’t. If it was the old me, I would have written about “Hamlet” ,third play I watched. I am confused about that as well, did I like it or not. I was wondering how could the actors not be tired and bored to be repeating the same act for so many numbers of time (I guess they staged the play for more than 2 weeks, two times per day). If it was for the old me, I would definitely write about the new mall (Lalitpur bishal bajar mall). It is amazing and wayyyyyyy fancier than any mall in Kathmandu. Trust me I would never leave a chance to boast about it being in Patan. If it was for the old me, I would definitely write about my pretty grey leather bag that I carry every day. How some people find it fancy and the others funny. If it was for the old me, I would shout it out loud about how my new hair color is bugging me so much. It looks “B_A_D”. (you know what Sujin would say now? – Don’t you know how to pronounce?). I am so happy to be posting this in my blog after so long.