Sometimes I get so tired that I wish to drop my bleeding heart into a plastic bag and tie up with a rope and suffocate it before it makes me feel suffocated and kill me. I want to make it realize that it is hard to feel that feeling like you are drowning in air, hard to take in that easy air.

Also I remember the times it made me feel like it was crushing the inner me into fine minced meat, then I wish to throw it into the grinder and show it how much it hurts. How scary it feels when the blood is being dripped down the floor drop by drop and it becomes all white and pale, feeling void.

Again then, I get bumped into the goodness of my heart. Remember the moments it piled up that made me warm and cozy in lonely grey winter times. How it hums joyful tunes of my favorite songs when I walk alone at the empty street or get lost in the noisy crowd. How it thumps and throbs up and down celebrating my little joys that I collect. And then I realize my heart is what makes me… what makes me different from you and others. My heart is the reason I am feeling the warmth of your voice. So now, I wish to love my heart and make it feel the feeling of being loved!

I kept on listening to same song over and over again but I was not irked by the repeated song… then I realized that I was not paying attention to the single word of the song , even the music was just another sound in backdrop of my thinking act which had been going since the second I woke up this morning. I was so into my thinking that I had my khana too early than usual so that I could relax and think  without any disturbance (otherwise I would have in my mind that I still need to have my lunch and it would disturb my pure process of thinking). If only my stomach would support me I would even have my in between snacks and dinner as well at the same time while I had my lunch so that I could think whole day without any crick to my plan.

I have been highlighting “thinking” too much here and you must be wondering what possibly could be that important that I am so animated to think about that. Well, the thinking event has been organized by “MYBRAIN” in coordination with “MYREDHEART”; the event is basically a workshop and discussion among the designated piece of “MYBRAIN” and “MYREDHEART” in concern of “MEMYSELF”. All I can do is wish well that both the parties come up with a favorable and easy to implement conclusion for “MEMYSELF”.